The Dark Night of the Soul – Part 3


Enlightenment, enlightenment? What is it anyway? Seeing the Light? Being in the Light? Living in the Light? I read in an article about a Master who said, “Simplest thing in the world—most difficult thing in the world!”

I have been frustrated lately and I recall having that same feeling last year. Then and today, in my meditations, an energy comes over me. It tells me to let go of every part of me: body, mind, spirit and all. I cannot let go!

In meditations, and doing massages or healings, I have been many things – an eagle, a past-life experience, going through the floor, etc. Things are different now, and the difference is that, with what I have gone through before, I somehow kept grounded. A part of me was still connected.

This time, I am asked to let go of everything: myself and all. All. And this is what is freaking me out. What if I go through Mr Lamour’s wacko stuff? What if I can’t bring myself back into my body? What if I turn into a pumpkin or a rat, like in Cinderella? What if? What if?

What if I find my Self there? Power? Light? Love? Peace? Beauty? What if I am afraid of my own power, light, love, peace or beauty? This is what is frustrating me. The guts to go for it!

As a no-coincidence, we watched a video on healing. Well, I realized through the process  of watching this show that I still have a lot of hold-ups: pride, greed and just about all of the seven deadly sins! Not good for one’s own self-esteem, I’d say. On top of it, I find circumstances in my every day life that are frustrating me too.

I went within. So what if I am not perfect! Who says that I have to be perfect? I heard, “Just find Love in your heart again.” It’s that simple!

Not so long ago I quit my nursing job. I was stressed out. We were all stressed out and through that stress and the dysfunctions, anger was coming out of all of us. Not nice. I decided it was better for me to let go, for myself and everyone around me. I am not a sacrificer any more. Was it wrong? Was it right?

I remember back in the days reading a book and through it, I went into my self-psychology – who’s your Papa? who’s your Mama. Oh my god, it came to me. I am just like my mother! The sacrificer! Everything I disliked about  my mother and sacrificing was right there! It was in me, of all people! I had to do something about it. Be aware of it. Perfect it.

Later on, I remembered when my husband had books on ascension. In those days, everyone around us was talking about it too. Ascended Masters sounded good to me: manifest anything, anywhere, and anytime? I guess that I never really took it seriously. It was too Christian or religious for me … or fantasy … or brainwash.

That is until last year. I went into some weird stuff. When it hit me, I cried and cried. I got it! Love and Power, the sacrificer and the one who lives in fears – all at once. Balancing. Perfecting. I found the path in the center, the middle pillar as some would say.

Sounds simple enough, no? That is until you have to let go of it all. No ego. No identity. No people you love. No material things. No pets. No past. No present. No Future. No nothing. No thing. Just you and your Self. The simplest thing in the world, huh?

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